Saturday, February 25, 2012

~TERSENTUH DAN DISENTUH~


BISMILLAH HIRRAHMAN NIRRAHIM
(Dengan Nama ALLAH, Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang)

ASSALAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH HIWABARAKATUH
(Salam Sejahtera Keatas Kamu Semua)



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn’t?

Or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them.

I you do, they might break your heart...

If you don’t, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to do so because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with them?

You heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn’t.

You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own. When you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much... for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don’t know, afraid what other will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if you don’t care anymore)

People live and people die. I want to tell you that you are a friend.

If you die tomorrow (GOD forbid), you would be in my heart, would i be in yours?

We might be best friend one year, pretty good friends the next year, don’t talk that often the next, and don’t want to talk at all the year after that.

So, i just wanted to say, even if i never talked to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

I look up to you, respect you. Truly cherish you, most of all i care about friends.

EDITED AND TAKEN FROM
5 TAHUN 5 BULAN
HLOVATE

Hurm, i was touched by those words... tak tau kenapa, waktu baca novel 5 Tahun 5 Bulan, seriousely tersentuh. macam, pergh, really terkena kat muka setempek. the part telling lies because of afraid. well, bukan nak kata aku kaki tipu, sometimes, aku cuma sembunyikan certain perkara, well a mysteriouse person. welling lying is consider as hiding the truth so do i consider as lying.

if so, am i afraid? afraid of what people think of me. maybe tak kot, tak takut definitely.sebab, aku da taw dah apa orang fikir tentang aku... kot... but definitely i'm not afraid (totally in deny phase)

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don’t know, afraid what other will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

hurm, another thing is a mostly about friendship, maybe sbb tu kot aku sungguh2 tersentuh. gaya ayat dia cam the person cared his friends eventhough cam xdak pa2 dah... the person nak kawan dengan si dia, tapi ada benda menghalang. n try to see, camna mana seorang kwan bleyh bwa perubahan terhadap seseorang insan, though relation dh mmg xda. pengaruh rakan sebaya katakan....

We might be best friend one year, pretty good friends the next year, don’t talk that often the next, and don’t want to talk at all the year after that.

So, i just wanted to say, even if i never talked to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.


the best part is, feeling afraid of hurting somebody and hurting oneself. memang aku nak kata aku mmg bleyh relate dengan alkisah diatas a little cheezy and corny but wow.... ditelan mati bapak, diluah mati emak.. (camtu kt peribahasa, dh lupa dah)

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them.

I you do, they might break your heart...

If you don’t, you might break theirs.


its cheezy anf its corny... it is also scary... try to think, you did not manage to do right with the certain someone, did not able to apologize, did not able to make amends... and that certain friend passed away... regret? is that what one should feel???


What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if you don’t care anymore)

try to think n mendalami quote tersebut

~FIN~

Thursday, February 09, 2012

~DAH FINISH EXAM!!! YA-ERM-HOO???~

BISMILLAH HIRRAHMAN NIRRAHIM
(Dengan Nama ALLAH, Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang)

ASSALAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAH HIWABARAKATUH
(Salam Sejahtera Keatas Kamu Semua)


YES!!! erm.... HOORAY!!! erm... Exams are over... for the 1st semester of my medical school life.. everybody is having a blast... there's no more papers, no more reading and no more slides of cells to observe and appreciate. Yahoo and hooray.... but... why i don't feel the delightfullness.. everybody is jumping for joy, laughing out loud and having plan with friends...

maybe, i feel a little bit down because, well, i think, wait, not think but know, that i didn't do well in every paper. a little heart broken.. well, i did spent the past few weeks (2 and 1/2 weeks actually) staying in the musollah in the college and cracking my brain. but i don't know, i know that many thing i didn't know, its a lot. i'm not being pessimistic (though most of my friends kept saying i am) but i know i didn't well. Plus, i did blank on my last paper and ospe. urghhhh...

or maybe, another theory, because for the semester break i will not have the chance to go back home in Kedah and actually spend a little time with my dearest friends from my high school years. i miss them so dearly. most of you guys might say "dude, what about your family"... well my answer would, "well dudes, my family is staying near me in KL, so i got to see them at least thrice or twice in a week just by calling them." well, i have a home in Kedah which where i originate from and another house which my dad rented due to he is working in KL. well, back to my friends, urghhh, missing them so much...

another theory, still about a friend. we fought, and now, we are no longer friends. it's kinda hurts because he's really a guy to has as a friend. well, why did we fought, mostly its my fault. and i had hunch that he maybe and possible will not forgive me, EVER!!! it the truth (maybe) and it hurts, just by thinking about. i just hope, he forgave me before anything either happen to me or him, because thinking about our akhirat, it is a sin to break one relationship with another... 

well, thats all theory i had why i can't actually crack up smile for my superb ending of exams.. and another i really hope, that not just me, but all of my comrades will good grades for our final exams... 



FIN

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

~DON'T JUMP TOO HIGH~

BISMILLAH HIRRAHMAN NIRRAHIM
(DENGAN NAMA ALLAH YANG MAHA PENGASIH, MAHA PENYAYANG)

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WARRAHMATULLAH HIWABARATUH
(SALAH SEJAHTERA KEATAS KAMU SEMUA)

HELP ME FIND MY WAY
Well, am I lost? Sesatkah aku??? Well, it a sort of twisted way, I am... Dalam mencari identiti diri.aku masih sesat, masih kabur. how did I noticed this... well... follow the following conversation <skit ja conversation tuh>

“Kami nie pon bukan pandai sangat bab agama nie. Duk tengah duk mencari diri lagi nie.”

“Yelah, bukan korang jer. Aku pon sama gak. Aku pon tengah dok mencari diri nie. Mencari identiti diri. 
Mencari diri sebagai seorang Islam”

“Eh3!!! Kalu ko tengah mencari diri, kami nie pulak, bukan tengah mencari diri, duk tunggu orang suruh kami cari”

“Tapi dalam mencari diri tuh, kena la slow2, jangan terlalu rapid sangat”

“Betul2 aku pernah dengar Prof. Kita kata, ‘don’t jump too high, you will ended up falling hard ”

“A’ah, betul2, kalu nak berubah, kena ada step2 dia, jangan main terus berubah all of a sudden”

“tengok cam kami, tak bukan takat short jump, tak jump2 lagi pon” dan mereka semua ketawa.

Itulah sedikit sebanyak perbualan antara sahabat2 aku sementara menunggu masa nak tengok wayang. Wow, perbualan yang agak hebatkan. Aku yang berada bersama ditepi mereka hanya diam seribu bahasa. Tak berani nak kata apa2. Yelahkan, aku pon seperti mereka juga. Sedang mencari diri.

Tapi agak menyentap perasaan dan jiwa apabila one of them mengambil kata2 Prof. yaitu ‘Don’t jump too high, you will end up falling hard’. Dan aku mula berfikir, selepas tengok wayang <yelah duk tengah kusyuk focusing on the story>, aku mula berfikir about. Thinking and thinking.

Did I jump too high? Did I change to rapidly? And i start to wonder. Sepanjang perjalanan after that  ‘gathering’ with my friends, the whole trip dari Jalan Imbi ke Kl Sentral <monorel> then dari Kl Sentral ke Putrajaya <train ERL>, I keep on pondering on  myself a.k.a muhasabah diri.

Did I really jump so high?

Did I really change too fast?

Nak taw kenapa soalan nie bermain di benak mindaku. Well, through the whole semester, learning and befriended new people, you started to change perspective towards life. Tambah2 dapat kawan yang alim. 

You really started to think about your dunia and akhirat, about your life in the afterlife. Thinking about weather amalan dah cukup ka belum nak masuk syurga.  And you start to change, well I think I wanna change, for the better.

But, suddenly, things, bad things, alot of bad things, started to happen. Jadi mula la stress dan mula la nak jatuh. Alhamdulillah, dapat bangun semula. Thanks to my friends and to ALLAH who give them to me. Then jatuh lagi and bangun. Jatuh dan bangun.  Dan sekali jatuh dan bangun semula. Sampai la ke saat aku menulis blog ini.

Alhamdulillah sahabat2ku bersamaku dan seiring denganku mengharungi dugaan tersebut. Aku masih ingat mesej salah seorang sahabatku beri kepada aku<bukan ingat, simpan sebenarnya>

"Andai perjuangan ini mudah, pasti ramai yang akan menyertai. Andai perjuangan ini menjanjikan kesenangan, pasti ramai yang tertarik padanya. Tapi hakikatnya perjuangan bukan begitu,turun naiknya, sakit pedihnya umpama kemanisan yang tak terhingga, andai rebah bangkitlah semula dan andai terluka ingatlah janjinya."

That is one of many messages he sent me. Sedikit sebanyak it’s reminds me that walaupun i’m trying to change to a better muslim, theres is ups and downs, there are trials and tribulations, its hard but worth it if we remember ALLAH’s promises.

But,somehow, since that day, the quote ‘don’t jump too high, you will fall hard’ still in some sort of way still bothers me. And the fact I a message from my friends that mu abrupt changes make him feel low. It’s not the fact that he said that I’m making him feel low, but the fact that he said that i change abruptly.
Hurm... pening2... apa2 pon, i kept on praying and praying for ALLAH’s guidance...

In a sense, yes I am lost yet I am not.... Twisted....hehe

A thought to remember... "Don't jump too high, you might ended up falling hard" 

FIN

(sorry to much mixing between english and malay. dalam mencari diri untuk menulis ini, aku tercari2 nak guna bahasa yang mana. maaf yerk)