Exam Fever : Serabut

Bismillah Hirrahman Nirrahim

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Seperti sedia maklum, sekarang nie minggu study week and minggu depan study week...

Jadi, ofkos la semua yang dikenali pelajar universiti akan serabut study segala macam notes yang ada...

Or is it just me???

Honestly, jiwa tengah tak tenteram and so serabut sekarang...

This is pretty hard because as u all know, or may not know, i'm a repeating student ( yeah, i'm not ashamed to call myself as a repeater), so basically, i need to ace all my papers if i want move foward into my third year... If not, say bye2 to medical school...

(Short version explaination, kalau nak explain gagal lulus, chance nak repeat all that, to complicated)

One of thing that made so hard well aside from being a repeating student, i dont have my support group... A.k.a my friends yg total there for me whenever or wherever i have my stupid emotional breakdown... Not to say, aku nie xdak kawan, tapi, they dont qualify to be those kind of support group... Kalau aku emo depan depa, honestly, they will be emo right back... I'm not kutuk2 them behind their back, but they can help me in other ways like kejut subuh or even awal than that, but about helping in my emo state, not so much...

Other thing is, i had a super late start on my studies, 4 days to be exact (jumaat sampai isnin) because, jumaat on the way balik kedah, sabtu kenduri akak and sakit lelah, ahad still lemah dari sakit lelah (due to side effect ubat) and isnin gerak balik kl... So start selasa la kan... When i start to realised i had lost 4 days, i actually had a panic attack on that particular morning n evening (selasa)... I could say, today, toasted and burn... Well, when a person had a panic attack, do u really think he or she can focus on what they are studying... Totally NO!!!

Another thing that kept me being so serabut, is that, last week terlupa nak buat usrah and this week rasa memang tak nak buat usrah, nak tunda after exam... Memang dah cukup tebal muka meseg naqib mintak postpone, tapi tak dapat respon g... Seriusly sentap bila kawan cakap, "herm bila exam ja, ALLAH ko letak no dua ek???" 

Okey, sentap to the max... Speechless time tuh... Dia tak la kata sarcastically, it was a joke... How can it be a joke? Sebab time tuh kami boleh gelak g cakap pasai tuh...

Honestly, aku tak alim to say anything about it, bukan nak kata tak pergi usrah tuh, i put my faith aside, just nak focus on my exams... And, seriusly, tak rsa offended pon kawan tuh cakap camtuh, seriusly.... Tapi, aku ada baca, about this, bila nak exam ja, ada presentation ja, usrah liqo and sewaktu dengannya, dibuang ketepi, and disambungkan dengan a wise crack about where your faith is on that particular moment... Yelah kan, bila exam, presentation, usrah n sewaktu dengannya dibuang ketepi... I dont know, ikut la each individual opinion...

I dont know why, everyone tell me to be positive, I'm seriusly trying my total best to be absolute positive... But i can't... Somehow, i have a feeling i might fail the two core modules, gastrointestinal tract (git) and central nervous system (cns)... 

Trying my best to study, i dont know why, its becoming so hard...

A dear friend once told me, not just him, my parents also kept on telling me...

"Maybe ilmu susah nak masuk otak sebab ada buat salah dengan orang and tak mintak maaf, or even your hubungan ngan ALLAH tak terjaga... Both habluminannas and habluminallah tak terjaga maybe" - mamat volley

(Kalau silap eja, please comment n bagitahu)

"solat sunat and baca quran kalau tetiba blank" - mak and ayah

Basically, sekarang tengah takut, tengah risau, tengah serabut....

 But the main thing is, perlu berusaha... Gagal lulus, belakang kira... @.@ yeka belakang kira???

Mostly, nie lebih kepada luahan perasan, thanks for reading...

Pray for me, my friends and colleague....

Jazzakalah Khairan Khathira...